I miss Nanay.

I'm missing Nanay terribly.

I got lots of gifts from my boys -lots of interesting and not quite typical gifts but nonetheless nice. =) (from the bird of paradise flower to the yards of peach cloth ;p)

They're not encouraged to give gifts to teachers anymore but I found it hard to say no when they give me. In general, it's hard to reject when people give or show their affection. My famous line: "Thanks, although you shouldn't have."

When I have stories like this I think of Nanay. She would get excited and happy about what I got. She was always fond of me. She always wanted me to have many things. When my sister got something, she would ask me to ask for that as well. She always wanted me to look my best and have the best. SOmetimes, she's like that to the point that it gets suffocating. I realized how she has been my security blanket all these years. That's why people see me as someone who's very secure of herself.

Nanay always believed in me despite the fact that I'm a late bloomer in many things. She never saw me as a loser. I never felt I was dumb even if I almost failed to pass Prep because I had problems with Reading. I always knew I was beautiful even if there were times I felt ugly. She would always tell me to smile because when you smile people see your beauty. I remember the nights we talked on and on about what happened over an exciting day. She would ask me questions that would prompt me to share what I experienced and how I felt about it. We would have fun just lying in bed talking until we get tired and decide to sleep. She has been my roomate for almost 2 decades! (19 years!) The longest time I was away from her was when we went to the United States for 3 weeks back when I was 12. I realized how much my relationship with her has affected who I have become. I don't want to seem too important but I believe I'm one of her missions in life. How she affected me has and still is and wil be affecting the people I relate with. I will always cherish her love for me and my love for her. I miss having her in my life. I miss having someone who is always there (physically and emotionally.) I miss having someone who accepts me unconditionally, with whom I would have all my guards down.

(I miss you Nanay. Now I can give you some of the things I used to promise to give you as a kid. I remember pointing at things in the mall and telling you that I would buy these for you when I grew up. We would pretend and dream together about the things I would afford to give you and we were content in our own small world. Now I have SM gift checks. I don't know what to do with them. Well, ofcourse I'll buy gifts and give my sisters, Mom and Papa but I want to buy something for you as well. I'll just buy something that I will give to those in need. In a sense, you're doing this act of kindness. Hay, I'm just grateful that atleast I was given the grace to say goodbye to you before the angels took you away. I fed and massaged you. I hugged you real tight and I was able to say "I love you." Then we prayed together - our last memory together.)