bittersweet and happy

For some reason, late last night while trying to finish my PowerPoint presentation for reporting in Edu203 class today, I found myself going through old STrains pictures. I had mixed emotions. Seeing the pictures made me smile, giggle, and say "awws" to myself. I was a bit teary-eyed. I saw pictures of my first evsem as well as one of the latter evsems I've attended.

I've changed a lot. From the naive, neneng days full of awkwardness, excitement, sillyiness to the more serious, emotional things and struggles I've experienced with these people. I realized how much I've shared with all of them - the teasing, love teams, petty arguments, crunch times, idealism, crying moments, surprises, high moments, confusion, inspiration, frustrations, passion, the relationships. I've discovered what it means to love, to be a true friend and to be a true person through and with this community.

Sometimes, (or oftentimes) we find change to be a very difficult process. It can get overwhelming. It can be heartbreaking. Through the real conversations I've shared with these people, all the changes and challenges throughout my college life have become bearable and rather inspiring.

I remember the reason why I first joined this organization. I didn't have any expectations. I just signed up because my friend reminded me that this org used to facilitate our group in high school. Little did I know that my simple act of openness will open me to a vast horizon full of memorable, learning and transcendental experiences with good friends. This just strengthens my belief that everything that happens in one's life is not a coincidence but an act of Divine providence.

When you've grown to love something, it's harder to let go and move on. It's what some would call bittersweet. Although I miss college terribly because of my friends, I'm still full of excitement. I realized, I'm not letting go. I may be moving on to more adventures and bigger challenges after college, but my STrains and Ateneo experience will always be part of me, part of who I have become and continue to share with others. I've discovered that I can be more and I can love more. It's not just about the organization anymore (although I admire the cause of the org) but moreover the philosophy I've come to develop because of my experiences in it. I will always be utterly grateful for this. I just hope and pray that STrainers new and old (as well as fellow Ateneans) will continue to experience the magic, magis and love through each other. May we all discover the light within us. Luceat Lux!

;) "to teach profound is to experience the attractions of love"
(In the highest stage of love, the individual forgets about his selfhood and his own desires)

"Education as man's eternal quest to transcend his limitations and to live by ideals instead of being seduced by the idols of immediacy"

"to teach profoundly is to inspire"

bittersweet = beautiful

=)

I need light. I want water. We need to listen =)

=) Haha. I don't know what to write right now.
My thoughts have been cluttered this week.

I realized my emotions get the best of me sometimes - when I worry, when I get excited and when I just do something impulsive or spontaneous.

I still have a lot to do.
I feel like I've been detached from the world.
I haven't watched TV nor surfed the internet for a few days.
I seem to have drowned myself with all the things I have to do.
I'm usually uber tired when I get home that I end up sleeping or just bumming around.

Oh wells. Hehe =) It feels good to swim.
I grabbed the chance to swim at our pool at school during lunch time. I feel refreshed.

I don't know if I'm still making sense or I'm talking in order. Haha topic pa naman namin ngayon sa class: Writing supporting sentences and putting details into order. =p

Anyways, I find myself too lazy to share what's been happening to me.
I suppose ganun talaga. When you experience a lot, that's when you don't have to write about it.
Meeting up with some STrainers later tonight would be something to look forward to...I find it easier to share in person with feelings and actions haha =p

After swimming and listening to my thoughts, I realized I have to have more faith that things we'll eventually be in place.

*Note to myself: I should stop bringing work home! Make the most of my working hours and leave it there. Wala rin naman ako nagagawa. Bagsak na ko sa kama! =p

*Silent moments help!

btw, haha cool. I get to listen to Launch radio in YM late in the afternoon, since (only) this computer has YM. I like the station: Coffeehouse found in Work Music. =p

And I just remembered...something to do with what's happening with our country.
All the faculty and staff were required to attend a talk by Dr. Tolosa of the PolSci dept of ADMU.
I just have one thing to say (since I have to hurry, I have to let 1 boy take his make-up test...hay naku, kailangan mo pa habulin! oh wells =p hehe) I think one of my friends had a point.

I understand the CBCP's stand not to meddle in political matters. I believe we've had to much of that. I have to agree with them that we all have to discern what action we want to pursue. But I think it would be of great help if they provided a venue for everyone who has discerned to air out their point of view and standpoints in a diplomatic manner. Why not facilitate a dialogue where all the sectors of our society can gather together and form a consensus. I'm not sure if I'm being idealistic but I think someone has to open doors for everyone, to unite our very divided nation. What better institution to do it than the Church?

That's all for now. Sorry to cut it short. These are just random thoughts that have crossed my mind.

whew!

June - what a very busy month.
I'm still busy but I think I'm starting to adjust.

There are so many things I'm learning from my whole teaching experience.

Sometimes, it sucks to find out you've made mistakes even if you've tried not to do so.

Sometimes, it's exciting to see my boys being excited with the class or learning from it.

I feel funny looking at them with their silly mannerisms and behavior - trying to act like they know a lot but they still have a lot to learn.

I should write more to help me focus.
I should reflect more so that I can maximize what I'm experiencing.

Breathe in. Breathe out.
There's a new and exciting day tomorrow.
Lord, please do keep me still and keep the fire burning.