hayayay!

i'm not sure if the misunderstanding with regard to my previous entry about maturity worsened because of the typo i made.
i actually thought of correcting it but the computer here at home is becoming sooo slow...add to the very hectic week, i wasn't able to do so.
what i meant was:
I SHOULDN'T push it. I realized that I shouldn't push people to think as I do or to feel as I do.

I'm sincerely sorry Louie. That part of my entry in the latter part is for you. I understand now that you're dealing with lots of stuff. I know you felt bad. I wanted to talk to you but I didn't find an opportunity to do so since right now I'm facing lots of stress also. I have to admit, I boxed you into someone whose so privileged, with no problems to not be grateful to God...but I was wrong. Lahat ng tao may problema kahit hindi halata.
Anyways, I believe it's better to talk to you in person.


Change topic...yikes....ehehe now i realized, my blog IS public. haha mukhang sira naman kasi ako =p i actually posted it at friendster. pero oks lang =) i want to share my thoughts din naman especially to my friends i haven't been in contact with...

so do i write in my unknown blog or do i post my emotions here?
hmmmm...

ang dami ko pa naman issues. haha baka mabuking ako! =p
pero naisip ko baka mas maintindihan ako...
ayoko naman magdrama at magpaawa or mag-whine.

ano ba ito....i'm talking (ooops writing to myself) again.
i'll just give a brief summary of my emotions...sana hindi masamain o kaya basahin ito ng mga hindi ko naman ganun ka-kilala.
please...you don't know me as much as you think.
(i think i'm becoming a schizo! haha sabog na ako. i don't feel like writing anymore.) i sense my emotional side is taking hold of me.

Humbled (but still emotional)
Maraming nasa utak at nasa puso ko -
ang gulo-gulo,ang komplikado.
Alam mo yun naiiyak ka na, natataranta
napapatunganga sa lahat
pero sawa na sa pagpatak ng luha
sa pait at sakit na nararamdaman mo
na nasa puso ng mga mahal mo.

Parang batang yagit, humahagulgol
pero hindi, ngiti pa rin.
Carry ko.Ako pa, magaling ako eh.
Malakas ako, matapang at hindi madaling masaktan.

Yun ang akala nila.
Pero sa totoo,tulad din ako ng iba, naiinis,
nagtatanong, naguguluhan, natutunaw.
Putik, minsan gusto ko na maging cynical.

Pero hindi.
Bakit pa kung sawa ka na, kung pagod ka na?
Hindi ko na talaga kaya.
Hindi ko kaya na mag-isa.

Nandiyan pala siya palagi.
Ako'y pinapa-tahan na.
Sa bawat patak ng luha at
patuloy na pag-asa
Siya ang lakas ko.
Ako'y nagtitiwala.

(note: sa aking mga friendly friends na gusto ng update from me...umm...i realized i need some time on my own muna. ayoko naman ito maging big time issues blog ko. basta, oks lang ako. let's just say i need to live out all the things i have discerned about..and i'm having a hard time. back to the real world. di na ako neneng and i can't just pretend i'm not responsible enough to deal with things maturely. malupit agad ang sumalubong sakin pagkatapos ng 8 days of silence to the point that i hold those days sacred. it's where i draw strength from. basta promise...when everything has calmed down. i will write again.)