An Invitation
by: Oriah Mountain Dreamer, an Indian Elder

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for,
And if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream,
For the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow,
If you have been opened by life’s betrayals
Or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain, mine or your own,
Without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own,
If you can dance with wildness
And let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
Without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself,
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore be trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty everyday,
And if you can source your life on the edge of the lake
And shout to the silver of the full moon.

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone.
And do what needs to be done for the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you form the inside when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself
And if you truly like the company, you keep in the empty moments.

hayayay!

i'm not sure if the misunderstanding with regard to my previous entry about maturity worsened because of the typo i made.
i actually thought of correcting it but the computer here at home is becoming sooo slow...add to the very hectic week, i wasn't able to do so.
what i meant was:
I SHOULDN'T push it. I realized that I shouldn't push people to think as I do or to feel as I do.

I'm sincerely sorry Louie. That part of my entry in the latter part is for you. I understand now that you're dealing with lots of stuff. I know you felt bad. I wanted to talk to you but I didn't find an opportunity to do so since right now I'm facing lots of stress also. I have to admit, I boxed you into someone whose so privileged, with no problems to not be grateful to God...but I was wrong. Lahat ng tao may problema kahit hindi halata.
Anyways, I believe it's better to talk to you in person.


Change topic...yikes....ehehe now i realized, my blog IS public. haha mukhang sira naman kasi ako =p i actually posted it at friendster. pero oks lang =) i want to share my thoughts din naman especially to my friends i haven't been in contact with...

so do i write in my unknown blog or do i post my emotions here?
hmmmm...

ang dami ko pa naman issues. haha baka mabuking ako! =p
pero naisip ko baka mas maintindihan ako...
ayoko naman magdrama at magpaawa or mag-whine.

ano ba ito....i'm talking (ooops writing to myself) again.
i'll just give a brief summary of my emotions...sana hindi masamain o kaya basahin ito ng mga hindi ko naman ganun ka-kilala.
please...you don't know me as much as you think.
(i think i'm becoming a schizo! haha sabog na ako. i don't feel like writing anymore.) i sense my emotional side is taking hold of me.

Humbled (but still emotional)
Maraming nasa utak at nasa puso ko -
ang gulo-gulo,ang komplikado.
Alam mo yun naiiyak ka na, natataranta
napapatunganga sa lahat
pero sawa na sa pagpatak ng luha
sa pait at sakit na nararamdaman mo
na nasa puso ng mga mahal mo.

Parang batang yagit, humahagulgol
pero hindi, ngiti pa rin.
Carry ko.Ako pa, magaling ako eh.
Malakas ako, matapang at hindi madaling masaktan.

Yun ang akala nila.
Pero sa totoo,tulad din ako ng iba, naiinis,
nagtatanong, naguguluhan, natutunaw.
Putik, minsan gusto ko na maging cynical.

Pero hindi.
Bakit pa kung sawa ka na, kung pagod ka na?
Hindi ko na talaga kaya.
Hindi ko kaya na mag-isa.

Nandiyan pala siya palagi.
Ako'y pinapa-tahan na.
Sa bawat patak ng luha at
patuloy na pag-asa
Siya ang lakas ko.
Ako'y nagtitiwala.

(note: sa aking mga friendly friends na gusto ng update from me...umm...i realized i need some time on my own muna. ayoko naman ito maging big time issues blog ko. basta, oks lang ako. let's just say i need to live out all the things i have discerned about..and i'm having a hard time. back to the real world. di na ako neneng and i can't just pretend i'm not responsible enough to deal with things maturely. malupit agad ang sumalubong sakin pagkatapos ng 8 days of silence to the point that i hold those days sacred. it's where i draw strength from. basta promise...when everything has calmed down. i will write again.)

maturity

wow! =) hehe lots of changes, lots of experiences.

i don't know how to begin so i'll just start.

i'm soo happy because i believe i'm 95% sure with regard to my application to Xavier School as a grade school teacher.

God is really good. ;) I feel blessed. I was able to go through my class demo, then panel interview after...smoothly.

I'm really excited. (haha kinikilig ako! =p)
But at the same time, I don't want to be carried away by my emotions.

There are somethings that I'm also grateful for....I can't believe (whehe) I'm becoming more mature with regard to many things.
--> I was able to confront someone really important to me about adult things that are unspoken of...I was really apprehensive. I thought I couldn't do it. I prayed and with God's grace, I was able to do it.

Although another part of me is hesitant...that I'm starting to be preachy. I had a debate last night with one of my good friends about God. He did not believe in God and I was surprised. I'm not sure if I handled the whole argument the best way I could. It's just that I see things differently and I want to share the joy and peace one finds in realizing that God is here with us...no matter what religion. Spirituality is important. Even Pope John Paul (May he rest in peace) was an advocate of ecumenism. It's not anymore about the Roman Catholic Church only. It's about seeing that there is something more. But I realized...I should push it. People are different. I could have a hard time figuring out Chemistry problems but another person would be puzzled why I didn't like Chem. All I know is, we are all called by God and one way or another (my friend may be an atheist right now but) we cannot deny His presence.

Anyways, enough of that. Hihi
other points about maturity:
--> I have been attending a Christian cell group for quite sometime now. Although I stopped for one month (in March since I had other plans) I've started attending again. I have to admit that at the start, I was a bit apprehensive. What was I doing there, given that I'm a Catholic? hehe wala lang...but I'm starting to enjoy it. Our topic last saturday was about Spiritual Maturity. What is it? How does one become spiritually mature?
(i'll spare the lecture on it for next time ;p haha ayoko naman na parang masyadong heavy yung blog entry ko...but seriously i think it makes sense it's just that i have to shorten my entry since i have to do other important things and i think this is loaded as it is)

--> living alone for 3 days in our townhouse...as in without a maid! i wash the dirty clothes (my clothes and my dad's clothes). my favorite household equipment would be the washing machine! haha. i cook for myself. i'm cleaning the clutter since we haven't fixed everything after we've moved in and basically i do it all by myself. the place is starting to look more like someone really lives here!

--> how i handled an awkward situation. (i realized, ang tanda ko na para maging immature about these things. besides, i believe that my friend deserves that kind of maturity from me.)

--> not easily frightened about things anymore...or to put it clearly...i don't let fears take hold of me and motivate my behavior (Thank you talaga Lord for your graces ;))

--> haha and one last thing (hindi talaga mature pero feeling adult ;p) nakipag-inuman na rin ako finally with STrainers although i just had 2 bottles of beer. makulit lang na kuwentuhan at debate =p

although i know i'm still in the process.
i've made some mistakes.
i'm trying to learn from it.
i'm sorry.
trust me.