Surreal

Ang drama ko.

I just attended our Thesis Conference tonight.
I had mixed emotions. I was looking around, observing each face I saw, each one part of the batch of Psychology majors who would be graduating this March.

I saw him ofcourse. He looked nice. Lately, I've been boggled with my feelings for him. I questioned if I was totally over him. In fairness, I haven't been dreaming about him (how childish/weird/silly...i actually base my liking for a guy to the frequency and content of my dreams about him) and he hasn't crossed my mind too much except when I see him. I have to admit, he still has an effect on me. I felt confused and bittersweet. I remembered the moments we shared. I realized, he's the first guy I really liked so much. Why didn't it work? We both liked each other. What ifs...how is he? Although right now, another person crosses my mind more often, I can't say he will be replaced. It's never the same.

Then, I also realized...along the way. I almost felt tears fall on my cheeks...I'm graduating. God. Despite everything I've been through - the shock, the frustrations, the changes. I almost would not have graduated on time...if not for some miracle. What if I never became sick? What if I was back, second semester as a sophomore still with my BS Psy block - block Y? What would change? Where will I be right now? Weird...I asked myself lots of questions. Despite everything, I'm glad and I'm very grateful that I am going to graduate on time. Although honestly, I feel I haven't done much...I haven't excelled in my academics nor made a big impact in the organizations I've joined...I'm grateful. I'm grateful for all the rich experiences. There is no sense in dwelling in the what-ifs...everything that happens to us has a reason. I guess I wouldn't have as much insights as I have right now if I didn't go through everything I went through. Thank you Lord.

And lastly, what was surreal with my whole experience tonight was when I walked back to my place from SS Foyer.
Haha...napa-emote ako!
The moon was so bright and round.
I was just enjoying the moment, walking and looking around.
Ang weird. I passed by Colayco hall...and the way I looked at it was like it was abandoned. In a few days, it could probably be gone. All the orgs will be transferring to the Mateo-Ricci Center. Glimpses of the moments I spent in this building crossed my mind - when we were still in the old STrains room, the people, the laughter, the heat, the optimism and excitement I felt everytime I spent time with STrainers. I remember how the Colayco Pavillion was the Sunken Garden before. I felt like those were the blissful days I was so naive. Then I was looking around, I passed PIPAC and I was walking along the pathway going to SEC and CTC. The school was deserted. It had an eery feel to it. It was like I was in a time warp where I didn't have any clue if I was seeing the future.

What's the sense of all these? What will I do after college?
Instead of taking the typical route passing the CTC gardens, I passed by SEC C and Mateo-Ricci. I was trying to absorb everything.

College is really like a roller coaster ride..the one with the twists and turns and goes upside down. At first you're scared, then you ride it and you enjoy it. There are moments you feel uneasy and you scream...and you just enjoy the whole feeling and before you know it...the ride is finised and it's time for you to go out and let others try it for themselves.

Anyways, this is getting too long. Despite the sentiments of graduating, I still have two more things to do - social psy take home exam and social psy empirical paper. Haha ang sabog ko na.

I just need to vent out all the drama hangover I have after tonight.

I find cleaning and organizing my stuff therapeutic. Hehe enough, I'm not sure if I'm still making sense in a coherent way...although bitin ang mga pinagsasabi ko. (hehe parang Before Sunset...tsk! i like it but i'm also irritated with it)

Waah!!! Ga-graduate na ako...I feel sooo old. It's like what I read somewhere (I think for theo) we all have a little kid inside of us...that we have to be patient with. Huhuhu..ayoko pa! I love college!