be back on march 12 =)

i'll be attending an 8- silent retreat..the one for seniors.

I'l be leaving this Wed...and I'll be surrendering my phone by 5pm that day. I'll get my phone back on March 11. I'll be back in Manila on March 12...in time for the Norah Jones concert....yay! =)

Exciting! Exciting! (but first i have to finish this social psy take home exam and empirical paper! hocus focus!)

babush! ;) talk to you guys soon (haha ang kulit...i feel like it's an "extra challenge" thing as well for me to go to the silent retreat...but ofcourse, i also feel a need to allot time for my beloved ;p (Si Kuya Jess)

Surreal

Ang drama ko.

I just attended our Thesis Conference tonight.
I had mixed emotions. I was looking around, observing each face I saw, each one part of the batch of Psychology majors who would be graduating this March.

I saw him ofcourse. He looked nice. Lately, I've been boggled with my feelings for him. I questioned if I was totally over him. In fairness, I haven't been dreaming about him (how childish/weird/silly...i actually base my liking for a guy to the frequency and content of my dreams about him) and he hasn't crossed my mind too much except when I see him. I have to admit, he still has an effect on me. I felt confused and bittersweet. I remembered the moments we shared. I realized, he's the first guy I really liked so much. Why didn't it work? We both liked each other. What ifs...how is he? Although right now, another person crosses my mind more often, I can't say he will be replaced. It's never the same.

Then, I also realized...along the way. I almost felt tears fall on my cheeks...I'm graduating. God. Despite everything I've been through - the shock, the frustrations, the changes. I almost would not have graduated on time...if not for some miracle. What if I never became sick? What if I was back, second semester as a sophomore still with my BS Psy block - block Y? What would change? Where will I be right now? Weird...I asked myself lots of questions. Despite everything, I'm glad and I'm very grateful that I am going to graduate on time. Although honestly, I feel I haven't done much...I haven't excelled in my academics nor made a big impact in the organizations I've joined...I'm grateful. I'm grateful for all the rich experiences. There is no sense in dwelling in the what-ifs...everything that happens to us has a reason. I guess I wouldn't have as much insights as I have right now if I didn't go through everything I went through. Thank you Lord.

And lastly, what was surreal with my whole experience tonight was when I walked back to my place from SS Foyer.
Haha...napa-emote ako!
The moon was so bright and round.
I was just enjoying the moment, walking and looking around.
Ang weird. I passed by Colayco hall...and the way I looked at it was like it was abandoned. In a few days, it could probably be gone. All the orgs will be transferring to the Mateo-Ricci Center. Glimpses of the moments I spent in this building crossed my mind - when we were still in the old STrains room, the people, the laughter, the heat, the optimism and excitement I felt everytime I spent time with STrainers. I remember how the Colayco Pavillion was the Sunken Garden before. I felt like those were the blissful days I was so naive. Then I was looking around, I passed PIPAC and I was walking along the pathway going to SEC and CTC. The school was deserted. It had an eery feel to it. It was like I was in a time warp where I didn't have any clue if I was seeing the future.

What's the sense of all these? What will I do after college?
Instead of taking the typical route passing the CTC gardens, I passed by SEC C and Mateo-Ricci. I was trying to absorb everything.

College is really like a roller coaster ride..the one with the twists and turns and goes upside down. At first you're scared, then you ride it and you enjoy it. There are moments you feel uneasy and you scream...and you just enjoy the whole feeling and before you know it...the ride is finised and it's time for you to go out and let others try it for themselves.

Anyways, this is getting too long. Despite the sentiments of graduating, I still have two more things to do - social psy take home exam and social psy empirical paper. Haha ang sabog ko na.

I just need to vent out all the drama hangover I have after tonight.

I find cleaning and organizing my stuff therapeutic. Hehe enough, I'm not sure if I'm still making sense in a coherent way...although bitin ang mga pinagsasabi ko. (hehe parang Before Sunset...tsk! i like it but i'm also irritated with it)

Waah!!! Ga-graduate na ako...I feel sooo old. It's like what I read somewhere (I think for theo) we all have a little kid inside of us...that we have to be patient with. Huhuhu..ayoko pa! I love college!

Thank You Lord for my Life =)

gosh...I just realized..
it's been two years since that day that I almost lost my life.

I'm so grateful for everything that has been given to me.
Despite all the frustrations, all the tears and heartaches...
I'm glad I'm still here. I'm happy to be able to live and love continously.
I'm so grateful for the people around me who have loved me sincerely and unconditionally.

Lord, thank you so much for the gift of life, for the gift of this experience that has left an impact on me. How humbling it was to be at your mercy and to be as helpless as I was. May I be able to share your blessings to others.

And now, as I finish all my requirements in school, before I graduate..
I look back with tears flowing from my heart. I wouldn't have done or had anything any other way. I'm overwhelmed by the richness of all my experiences since I was a freshman in college.

I have changed a lot. I don't look at the world optimistically with naive eyes anymore. But rather, I see something more, beyond open eyes.

I'm still struggling with myself but I feel more alive than before.

For all that has been, thank you very much. I have learned so much more than I have expected. I have received continoulsy, beyond measure.
Sorry for the hurt I have caused others.

For all that will come, bless me and give me strength. Lots of exciting things ahead. Lots of changes and decisions to make. May I be able to discern well and trust more.

As of now, I feel empowered. May I move beyond my limits, emotions and frustrations. There's a bigger world, waiting to be discovered and inspired. ;)

Again, thank you. xiexie. merci.
maraming salamat sa lahat ng nagmahal at patuloy na nagmamahal sa akin, sa mga biyayang patuloy na dumadaloy sa atin,
sa pag-asang walang kupas na tumatalab sa damdamin.

Amen =)

nice! hehehe

;) naaliw lang ako. it's my attempt at poetry.

magaslaw =p

getting really sentimental (it's almost over)

hayayay...
huhuhu...
hehe ;p
drama...but seriously.

while surfing the net, supposedly just to e-mail my thesis groupmates....
I realized, shucks....I have only 1 MORE WEEK left in Ateneo. (Hehe drama, but after this week, finals week na ng seniors...and it's all over...scary, happy,anxious)

There are lots of things on my mind.
My mind seems to lose control when I try to focus and concentrate and close my eyes...especially during hypnosis class.

So many thoughts. Was I able to make the most of my college life? Do I have any regrets? What have I learned? How have I changed? Am I ready to surf bigger waves? Will I meet my friends again? It's like I'm seeing the "welcome" banner of the rest of my life.
hehe OA...but that's how I really feel.

I realized, there are a lot of decisions and changes I will soon be faced with...and just thinking about it right now overwhelms me.

I really want to go to the Silent Retreat. =) That decision, I'm happy about.

I still have to visit Nanay and light a candle for her. May she rest in peace.

So much emotions. It's valentines day tom! ;) share the love! hahaha lesbos na! =p nyak....i'll stop making that a defense mechanism.
I'm still discerning about things. Emotions can be deceiving...that's what my friend says...but I realized to truly understand, one must assess her feelings. It's not like I will dwell in it...but I should really listen.

Anyways, I feel the love vibe! =p oh diba?! haha I just feel happy but it doesn't have to be because I'm in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. (Puwede rin but I don't want to hurry it up for the sake of...haha, I can't deny the fact that I think there's such a thing as senior syndrome talaga...rationalization: according to Erikson's stages of socioemotional dev, after identity vs. identiy confusion, the next stage is intimacy vs. isolation =p) I'm just grateful for the people around me who make me feel loved. Hugs and kisses make my day ;p especially from little kids...(di ako pedo ah!) therapeutic! good thing sandy is here so i have an unlimited stock of those! =p

now, I feel better. I have more drive to make the most of this week.
Exciting! =) STrains elections! Final papers! Busybee! Plus....I remembered...have to fix my proposal for a new Psyche structure! Woohoo! no more sleepy head...work work work! this is the last stretch! =)

for those reading this, i just want to thank you for being part of my college experience (hehe i know ang drama...but i mean it.) especially to the STrainers. Mahal ko talaga ang mga STrainers - from the dinostrainers to the present. =) I've never been touched this much by a group of people. I learned how to love unconditionally because of this org. (ops...hehe not the issue you might be thinking about ok...org nga eh...=p di lang one person)

that's it. =)

clouded

my thoughts have been clouded by my emotions.

Although LT3F helps...i'm not doing it consistently.

I have lots of insights to share but I can't seem to get myself to write on my blog. Sometimes, I realized, it's better to keep your emotions to yourself or atleast I should tell it to few people. I'm getting old. Eek...I'm getting boring ;p I have to take things lightly.

Balance. Having a listening, humble heart is not an easy thing to have. My patience is being stretched to the extreme limits. I feel the sores of being a "gymanst."

One thing, I'm happy about...I think me and "Chinky" are friends again...I greeted him last Friday and he actually replied. Makulit na siya. Although not too much to the point of putting too much meaning into it...which is good. =) I hope that what he told me was true....(Somethings never change =)) I hope I'll be able to maintain my resiliency, patience, optimism even in confusing times.

I've been running away from my subconscious...it's showing up on my dreams. I shouldn't shove away my emotions - both anger, hate and love.
I need to gain more self-awareness and "centering" as Fr. Bu says from our hypnosis & hypnotherapy class. It's so exciting.

I have lots of other concerns but I feel lazy to write about it. I'm thinking of applying to Xavier and Ateneo Grade School but I'm also considering Corporate HR and HR consulting firms. I feel apprehensive to apply because I fear getting rejected. But I'm trying to go beyond this fear.

I like the song: Your Heart Today ;)

This is all babbling. I just wanted to write an entry but I find what I did a bit dragging. I like writing on my personal journal more. I can't wait to write and write and reflect in the silent retreat on March.

Warrior Soul

You Are a Warrior Soul

You're a strong person and sometimes seen as intimidating.You don't give up. You're committed and brave.Truly adventuresome, you are not afraid of going to battle.Extremely protective of loved ones, you root for the underdog. You are picky about details and rigorous in your methods.You also value honesty and fairness a great deal.You can be outspoken, intimidating, headstrong, and demanding.You're a hardliner who demands the best from themselves and others. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

wow...ehehe Warrior soul ako....yeah! warrior of the light! =p
cool! about the honesty thing, the picky about details, liking the underdog and actually being intimidating....hehe it makes sense ;p weird, some guys are actually intimidate at me. di naman ako mukhang bully?! hehe ok fine....i may have a strong personality. although i think i can adapt naman and i'm open-minded. i hope it's not just the way i see it.