goal for this year:

to have a more trusting, listening,humble and discerning heart.

;)

I haven't been writing that much since I'm enjoying writing on my personal journal,which I also type on my computer except that I don't publish it online since it's really personal. I like it =)

I'm becoming more aware of my emotions and of my actions. =)
Sometimes, it doesn't feel good. It feels uncomfortable but that's the way it is and that's the way I would have it. I should stop psychologizing people...even myself. Listening to others and understanding them as well as dealing with my emotions are the better alternatives.

(with smiling...dreamy eyes..) I have a new crush! (which I seldom say)
=) He's sooo charming!

I like where I am right now.

someday...I'll be ready to tell this to someone =p (and maybe sing it as well! haha)
"Suddenly, I don't need the answers' cos I....I'm ready to take all my chances with you." (Nice!)

the heart of a child

I've always thought of myself as child-like.
After spending lots of time with kids like my lovable sister Sandy, I've assumed that I also carry with me a child-like personality - someone who's innocent, carefree and trusting.

That was what I thought.
But in reality, I'm far from it.
Probably being childish, that, sometimes I can be.

A series of events, hit me...and it hit me big time.
Ang sakit. It was frustrating. I felt bad.
Ganun ba ako kasama?
Do I just look kind but in the end, I'm really not?
Am I just repressing my feelings?
Is there a Mr. Hyde in me I have been hiding?

I cried. I cried really hard. It's frustrating to feel that you've tried your best to be a good person, to be nice to everyone but in the end to realize that it hasn't been working smoothly as you thought it would have.

I have made mistakes I'm not proud of. I've been very irresponsible with certain things, with many things. I've been consistent in being inconsistent. I didn't know. Or I didn't want to know? Did I really listen?

It sucks to feel this low. However, I appreciate this. I'm grateful for having these realizations. I'm not perfect.

As one of the STrainers told me..cheer up, everybody makes mistakes =)
I shouldn't be too hard on myself in a sense that I should just whine and stay frustrated with my shortcomings.

Kaya ko magbago!
Kakayanin 'to.

I haven't been keeping up with my promised baby steps.
I should start anew. This time, it's for real.
Slowly, but surely.

I'm really sorry for hurting You (lots of people on my mind.)
I've hurt myself without knowing.
If only, I just listened more.

Last night, I heard an old familiar song during mass.
I used to sing it over and over again when I was a little kid.
I got it from a milk commercial then. I didn't understand the lyrics that well...but as I listened to it last night it hit me.

"Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all" does not mean you should dwell on yourself.
If you really love yourself, you would allow yourself to be the best person you can be, you would allow yourself to love whole-heartedly.

It's important to strive to see beyond things, to see something more.
Love has no boundaries.

I wasn't able to listen to the entire homily but one phrase struck me.

The heart of a child is a humble heart.

Father, please forgive me.

"I believe the children are our future. teach them well and let them lead the way."