i couldn't resist...i just have to release
arggh!!!! end-of-the-sem hustle! stress!!!!
i felt so down because of all my low grades.
these are my lowest grades ever.
i cried last friday out of frustration.
i just couldn't control it anymore.
i'm also a person...i have emotions.
at home, i can't seem to be the emotional one.
i have to be the logical one...the rational one...
but deep down inside i'm crying, i'm dying.
dinadaan ko na lang tuloy sa pagsusuplada...
i just seem to be OC about things at home,
ang daming defense mechanisms....but it's not working.
well, at least they think i'm ok.
wouldn't want to add to my parents burdens and to the issues.
but am i really helping them by doing that?
i don't know....
sometimes, i just don't want to know and see the bigger picture.
it's also tiring to try to pretend you're okay when you're not.
but then again that was what i felt. i think. there's still traces of those emotions in me
but i'm more enlightened....
after tears have fallen...
there's nothing left to do but move on.
there's no sense in regreting.
well, actually i'm not (or am i denying? ack! i shouldn't psychologize myself already....here we go...another defmech!)
i realized...i should stop and reflect.
i haven't been doing that for quite a while.
weird. during the week that everybody's busy catching up on acads...
i realized i should really stop and reflect.
kasi....sabi ako ng sabi na dapat trust in God, dapat change in perspective...
kinain ko rin sinabi ko. all of it.
hay buhay. ;) I'm feeling better now. I realized there's no sense in dwelling in mistakes, in bitterness and frustration. it's time to move up. =) kaya 'to!
i didn't pass unilever business week. oh well...hehe i actually feel happy and relieved about it. =) i really wanted to go to the evsem and even have a few days of break before that but if i went to unilever...wala. i just want to rest, relax and reflect. sorry but i just feel all the unilever sctuff right now is pure careeristic. i even told anne last night "i don't want it...i need it...but i don't want it" when i was talking about the busweek. maybe i don't need it after all.
God has His ways. May love prevail ;) always. (hehe labo, parang walang connect but i just want to say that)
(ang sarap magsulat...therapy! =))
yay! evsem here i come!!! ;)
ok....i'm set
...ready, aim, shoot (for the stars!) =)
posted by flavoredwater @ 5:00 PM
2 Comments:
hi raquel. =) chris b. here. i didn't bother making an account 'cause i won't be able to maintain it anyway. but come to think of it, i really should have a blog so i can have an outlet for my thirst for writing. kainis, so much to do, so little time. i hope all this stress is worth it.
wow, it's been a long, long while, huh? =) i'm glad na friends parin tayo after not seeing each other around for quite some time..
anyway, alam mo, i'm also seriously having problems about academics..as in there's a chance that i will lose my scholarship, or worse, repeat one or two subjects, which will delay my graduation. if all that happens, i might be saying goodbye to my dream of reaching 5th year to finish my CE degree. kainis. i only took Physics-CE for the CE. and now it may all end because of physics. damn. worst case scenario, i'll be working in a call center after graduation. what a waste of talent.
but you know, deep inside i'm still hoping. maybe i can get out of this. if i don't, then what the heck. there's gotta be more to life than studying and achieving the american dream. either way, i know that God will be with me, however mysterious His ways may be.
wow, that actually helped me relax a bit. ^_^
bye for now. ^_^
-chris biasbas
P.S. have you tried listening to instrumentals of jesuit songs? it helps a LOT when you're down. ^_^
chris! ;) i agree...what do you listen to?
vespers...the bomb! =) haha naisip ko yun ang goal ko in playing the flute....dapat magkaroon din ako ng parang ganun na album =p kaw na lang guitar if you want hehe
i also love the something more cd, song for skeptics. my younger sis, anne is becoming obsessed with it....nagsasawa na ako =p hehe
blog ka na!!! =p it's fun and therapeutic! plus you get to update your friends and share your talent in writing ;)
see ya when i see ya =)
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