high and dry

i can't seem to stop even for a while to reflect and gather all my thoughts and feelings over the past semester. it was one heck of a roller coaster ride..that's not yet finished but soon will.

i'm buried with piles of stuff i have to fix and re-arrange in my new room.
i haven't fixed my driver's license yet.
i haven't opened a single book.
i'm stuck.

sometimes with all that's going on, you just feel catatonic..like you just don't want to move. just feel blank.

but then again..after sometime...you realize you have to continue...
there's lots of better things waiting ahead of me.
the future may seem uncertain...but there's always hope.

it's when lots of things happen that i can't seem to write.
oh well noel =p will write again soon.

i just don't like to share the things i don't want to dwell on.

____

anyways, evsem was fun =)
although it's weird seeing things differently sometimes.
i don't like being the DA (devil's advocate)....i also realized I don't like that term....hmmm.... how about Other Eye ( as in I for Insight ;p) so OI! =)
i had fun getting to know most of the new members. i think their cool ;)
there's jay-ar, marvin, jay rodriguez =p haha ang cu-cute nila ;)

ok...bitin, but that's it for now.

=)

four hugs a day..that's the minimum...

"four hugs a day...that's the minimum...
four hugs a day...not the maximum..."

happy, kiddie song =)

hay...hehe
i feel a bit better now that i only have 1 project and 1 defense to go.
woohooo!!!!

then i can catch up on a lot of stuff I've been dying to do!
1) will fix my oh-so-pretty room! =) thanks to my mom! ehehe kikay talaga! pink and purple motif...my curtains purple, walls pink, ceiling purple, bed sheets pink. butterfly glow in the dark on my ceiling, angel figurines on the side. cute =) hehe

2) will reflect about stuff...the changes that's been happening, what my plans are (ehem* i can't believe i'll be thinking about the things I want to do after college already...ack...feel old =p but young at heart...haha)

3) read books and watch movies!!!
read - the fifth mountain by coehlo, angels and demons by dan brown
watch - il mare (ehehe when my thesis buddies a.k.a. the Spice Girls...go to baguio! dvd marathon na 'to ng todo! yipee!), 24 series, shark's tale, all the movie's i've missed. ahm...who has eternal sunshine dvd? borrow pls =)

4) fix the HR dept. of PSyche! =) work on our plans!

5) Go to Fitness First and work out!!! =) body balance! can't wait! ehehe

and of course bond with my family =) Miss Sandy already...she's growing up fast! Cathy's going to college soon! Try to work on myself =) improve and all...
virtue: PRUDENCE =) LOVE (hehe traces of philo and theo...i enjoyed the topics we've discussed)

might get a haircut..let's see. =)
Oh so grateful =)
Blessed be!

Thank you Lord ;) You're the bomb!

wake-up!!!

i can't seem to stay awake for long recently....just when i need to stay up late to study for lots of exams. kailangan talaga bumawi ng sobra.

oh well. sometimes it's just so tempting to sleep. it's natural. you don't have to will it....you just fall asleep....but i realized you should fight it off sometimes. kaya naman eh. it's a struggle for me but it's do-able. sometimes you just have to move. keep on moving and trying...til you wake-up. i shouldn't get stuck...
jaded. ;p haha i can't take this. i still think of him often. ^-^ i miss him...his weird laugh, and lame way of joking around and teasing me. oh well, oh well...spilled milk is bad for the tummy. labo =p

i guess, my to-look-at-it-at-a-bigger-picture point is....i shouldn't run away from reality..or more than that...i should face the truth. i should face my emotions...i shouldn't dwell in my emotions but i guess it's wrong for me to deny my intuition. it's just hard to kick off the habit since i've been doing that for quite a while already. hay naku...tsk tsk...superego! dapat conscience =p

ok...=) i'm wide awake already. time to study. Please pray that i'll pass my Hi166 class.

Todo se pasa
Dios no se muda
Solo Dios Basta

i couldn't resist...i just have to release

arggh!!!! end-of-the-sem hustle! stress!!!!

i felt so down because of all my low grades.
these are my lowest grades ever.
i cried last friday out of frustration.
i just couldn't control it anymore.
i'm also a person...i have emotions.
at home, i can't seem to be the emotional one.
i have to be the logical one...the rational one...
but deep down inside i'm crying, i'm dying.
dinadaan ko na lang tuloy sa pagsusuplada...
i just seem to be OC about things at home,
ang daming defense mechanisms....but it's not working.
well, at least they think i'm ok.
wouldn't want to add to my parents burdens and to the issues.
but am i really helping them by doing that?
i don't know....
sometimes, i just don't want to know and see the bigger picture.
it's also tiring to try to pretend you're okay when you're not.

but then again that was what i felt. i think. there's still traces of those emotions in me
but i'm more enlightened....
after tears have fallen...
there's nothing left to do but move on.
there's no sense in regreting.
well, actually i'm not (or am i denying? ack! i shouldn't psychologize myself already....here we go...another defmech!)

i realized...i should stop and reflect.
i haven't been doing that for quite a while.
weird. during the week that everybody's busy catching up on acads...
i realized i should really stop and reflect.
kasi....sabi ako ng sabi na dapat trust in God, dapat change in perspective...
kinain ko rin sinabi ko. all of it.

hay buhay. ;) I'm feeling better now. I realized there's no sense in dwelling in mistakes, in bitterness and frustration. it's time to move up. =) kaya 'to!

i didn't pass unilever business week. oh well...hehe i actually feel happy and relieved about it. =) i really wanted to go to the evsem and even have a few days of break before that but if i went to unilever...wala. i just want to rest, relax and reflect. sorry but i just feel all the unilever sctuff right now is pure careeristic. i even told anne last night "i don't want it...i need it...but i don't want it" when i was talking about the busweek. maybe i don't need it after all.
God has His ways. May love prevail ;) always. (hehe labo, parang walang connect but i just want to say that)

(ang sarap magsulat...therapy! =))
yay! evsem here i come!!! ;)
ok....i'm set
...ready, aim, shoot (for the stars!) =)

on leave

i'll be on leave as a blogger.

really have to catch up on my acads. i need to make a 360 degree shift.

exag.

been getting Cs, Ds, Fs for long tests, quizzes, papers,etc
and 1 B for a long test.

i can't believe this.
it's the worse sem ever.
but then again i should change my mindset.
it's been crazy!
it's been one helluva sem..hehe
suicidal na ata ako with regard to my acads.

but things will get better. i'm certain of that. =)
all shall be well.
Thanks to Kuya Jess whose always there at my side.+

as for my grades....that i'm not sure.
have to hocus focus and get back on track!
i can still make it.
just have to exert lots of effort.
i have to will myself.
=) Game! Kaya 'to!
'til next time!

last entry before i dive into my books! =)
i went to lunch with him today...i had fun. ;) haha ang weird talaga nun..parang mama na parang bata. he could talk about all those concepts...then there was a moment we were talking about something tas nag...i was showing him my perspective tas nagfunny face...haha i miss our close friendship. i realized i shouldn't be pushing him away. after all we're really good friends. sayang naman. i just hope i'm doing the right thing. i miss our click! timo and jaybo! + RD) i miss the good 'ol days..ang feeling ko talaga...as if tanda-tanda ko na! ;p