mini SLE
weird...after this small thing that happened...I realized how I felt.
(hmmm...just wishing no one will get who this is)
He wanted to literally carry me on his shoulders. I was scared. Well, actually...if it was a different person I would be excited to hop on and goof around. It's just that I don't know...it's not that I don't trust him. I just don't want him to get hurt. When finally, I agreed and I climbed up his shoulders...He stood up and I immediately panicked. I was scared I would fall and get hurt trying to avoid hurting him. I'm not sure if my legs hit him when I hurriedly went down. It was just a quick fleeting moment...but it made me realize things..
I realized maybe I didn't trust myself too much...that I end up not trusting him. Or it's just that I'm not yet ready...or I'm not even sure I want to...I 'm just hanging in there...there's this part of me that misses our great friendship...i wouldn't trade for anything. But it's different now. I guess, it's just me who created this gap. I just feel awkward. Call it immature if you want...I just don't want to hurt people by only getting what I want...I can't have everything.
I still want us to be close friends but it's not just like that for him. Seeing sexy beast remaining the same with hologram is a concrete example. I can feel it. It hurts. I'm not sure where to put myself. I'm trying. But I shouldn't underestimate him. He might just be more tough and resilient about these things than I thought. But then again, I'm not sure he has ever gotten hurt about these stuff. On the other hand, with what I'm doing -pushing him away I may actually be hurting him already. Hay buhay...balance. May I be enlightened.
posted by flavoredwater @ 4:02 AM
3 Comments:
nyak..ehehe ;p i'm still sweet 16!
..haha i wish!
but i'm confused.
iba pa si griffin ko =p haha..
basta malabo! =p
musta ka na?
when ka ba b-day mo? =p
mwah!
i never realized you thought about you and __ so much..at binanggit mo pala kaming dalawa..hehehe..oh well..everything's the same between the both of us..weird nga na we're not pushing each other away...pero kung iisipin mo, i guess that's better..kaysa ganito lang kami...like now..in the twilight zone.
hay...jemo! ;) ehehe may utang pa ako sayo na love letter =p so many things i want to say...so many things i'm not sure i want to think of...it will only make me emotional..but at the same time i feel happy =) it's just the thought of all the changes and of leaving that gets to me...
love ko talaga ang STrains ;)
STrains, love ko 'to =p
hehe
it's not that i think about us so much...i guess i can't help it because he already told me how he feels. it would be really insensitive of me if i don't acknowledge that. love ko din yun syempre..i consider him as one of my closest friends in STrains ;) the dilemma there is if i can see him in a different light. i'm not sure. he's smile =p but there's spark. what to do? just be orange =p hehe
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